Celebrating change

Have you ever had a time when you anticipated the worst, only to discover a dramatic change for good?  I see it regularly with families.  People fighting one week often change to become peaceful, loving, and productive. How does this happen?  I believe they have learned to tap into what I call the fives C’s of Celebrating change:  Character, Commitment, Connection, Commincation, and Co-creative solutions.  Read more about these five C’s in the October Newsletter and listen in to our lively discussion on how they apply to our lives.  Just press the button to listen to the teleconference below.

MP3: 

Celebrating Change

Here in the Northern Hemisphere, we are in the middle of celebrating the fall harvest. We enjoy seeing the colors of the trees and the fruits of our hard work.  When I think of the harvest, I think of the successes I have seen in the couples and families with whom I work.  Every dream has seeding times, growing times, and harvesting times.

It is deeply gratifying to me to celebrate the harvest of families who have grown their relationships. This continues to be a source of inspiration, healing, laughter, and joy for me and helps to create the kind of caring community that is needed for well being and flourishing of everyone. I have discovered five well worth celebrating in creating 
successful change:  They are character, committment, connection, communication, and co-creative solutions.  Learn about these five aspects of change in my October newsletter.  Go to the seminars section and listen to the recording a lively teleconference on how these principles apply to your lives.

Celebrating Change

Lifetree News
Creating Prosperity with Harmony
Alice G. Vlietstra, Editor

October 2011

In This Issue:
1. Welcome
2. Five C’s for Celebrating Change
3. Conscious Relating
-
1.  Welcome

Here in the Northern Hemisphere, we are in the middle of celebrating the fall harvest. We enjoy seeing the colors of the trees and the fruits of our hard work.  When I think of the harvest, I think of the successes I have seen in the couples and families with whom I work.  Every dream has seeding times, growing times, and harvesting times.

It is deeply gratifying to me to celebrate the harvest of families who have grown their relationships. This continues to be a source of inspiration, healing, laughter, and joy for me and helps to create the kind of caring community that is needed for well being and flourishing of everyone. In this newsletter, I would like to share five C’s I have seen in families celebrating successful change.
 
2.  Five C’s for Celebrating Change

Character: 

From the ancient Greek philosophers to the recent work in Positive Psychology, one universal law of happiness and success remains. It was stated simply by Heraclitus   “Character is destiny.”  Character reflects those qualities we have within ourselves, as love, generosity, and wisdom, which honor our higher ideals in the best interest of all.   When faced with a challenge, we can choose to honor these values and grow or we can choose blame and shame. 

When we take responsibility, it leads to a deep sense of gratification and happiness, both for ourselves and others.  I find that when individuals and families bring in their problems, the character strengths that enable them to handle such are often right beneath the surface.  Take time to discover your strengths.  This will help you stay the course to create a more positive outcome.

Commitment: 

What is the major difference between those who succeed and those who do not?  I would say it is commitment, whether it is for business, marriage, or personal happiness. In a classic study headed by Linda Waite, a team of family researchers studied people who had described their marriage as “unhappy” or “very unhappy.”Of those who divorced, only 19% were happily remarried five years later. 
Those who stayed in the marriage, more than 70% were now happily or very happily married. This was true for the majority of the relationships as long as they did not have serious abuse. The relationships got happier not because the partners resolved problems, but because they stubbornly outlasted them. The effect of commitment is outstanding. 

Connection: 

The deepest connection that is needed for a successful relationship is your connection with yourself: mind, body, and spirit. You also need to know your values, needs, and desires.  Connecting within is critical for moving beyond power struggles.  Repeated patterns of conflict, most frequently, are not about the present but about old childhood patterns from the past. Because of the immaturity of the child’s mind, these patterns are often negative and limited. They do not reflect the truth about us, but rather the false assumptions of the child.  By connecting and naming them we can establish compassion for ourselves and others, put them in perspective, and replace them with our adult skills and strengths in the present. Then conflict can be used for learning and growth.

Communication:

Communication is most effective when it is positive.  As I have shared in the July newsletter, businesses flourish when the ratio of positive to negative statements is 3:1, relationships flourish when the ratio of positive to negative is 5:1. When our connections are positive, we are more able to acknowledge our strengths, to collaborate, to share resources, and tolerate minor infractions.    Positive emotions build upon the past and broaden our perspective. They help us to create solutions that work for all.

Co-Creative Solutions:

When you are more consciously aware of your needs and desires, your strengths, your vision and mission, you have the power to determine what a fulfilling relationship would look like.  We like to be in relationships where we can contribute our strengths to work together to serve a common goal.  Then small actions, the little things in life, can have a big impact.  Take time to celebrate them.

3 . Conscious Relating

Present day couples are searching for relationships that provide purpose and meaning as well as security.  They are searching for unions that honor individual uniqueness within the relationship.  Modern partnerships that are the most fulfilling are ones in which the couple shares a common purpose, has compatible values, good communication, and are mutually supportive (Guttmann, 2001).  Individuals want to be unique as well as connected.  The five C’s of celebrating change are opening a whole new territory of conscious relating that allows for more individual expression, peace, and harmony than we had before.  It is well worth the adventure of your discovery.  Join us to learn more about this process in our teleconference on Tuesday, October 25, 9:00 -10:00.  “The Five C’s of Celebrating Change” Check the sidebar for the number.

Warm Regards,

Dr. Alice

Does Divorce Make People Happy?  Findings from a study of Unhappy Marriages:  www.smartmarriages.com/does.divorce.html

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Newsletter Name: 
Lifetree News

Celebrating Change

Lifetree News
Creating Prosperity with Harmony
Alice G. Vlietstra, Editor

October 2011

In This Issue:
1. Welcome
2. Five C’s for Celebrating Change
3. Conscious Relating
-
1.  Welcome

Here in the Northern Hemisphere, we are in the middle of celebrating the fall harvest. We enjoy seeing the colors of the trees and the fruits of our hard work.  When I think of the harvest, I think of the successes I have seen in the couples and families with whom I work.  Every dream has seeding times, growing times, and harvesting times.

It is deeply gratifying to me to celebrate the harvest of families who have grown their relationships. This continues to be a source of inspiration, healing, laughter, and joy for me and helps to create the kind of caring community that is needed for well being and flourishing of everyone. In this newsletter, I would like to share five C’s I have seen in families celebrating successful change.
 
2.  Five C’s for Celebrating Change

Character: 

From the ancient Greek philosophers to the recent work in Positive Psychology, one universal law of happiness and success remains. It was stated simply by Heraclitus   “Character is destiny.”  Character reflects those qualities we have within ourselves, as love, generosity, and wisdom, which honor our higher ideals in the best interest of all.   When faced with a challenge, we can choose to honor these values and grow or we can choose blame and shame. 

When we take responsibility, it leads to a deep sense of gratification and happiness, both for ourselves and others.  I find that when individuals and families bring in their problems, the character strengths that enable them to handle such are often right beneath the surface.  Take time to discover your strengths.  This will help you stay the course to create a more positive outcome.

Commitment: 

What is the major difference between those who succeed and those who do not?  I would say it is commitment, whether it is for business, marriage, or personal happiness. In a classic study headed by Linda Waite, a team of family researchers studied people who had described their marriage as “unhappy” or “very unhappy.”Of those who divorced, only 19% were happily remarried five years later. 
Those who stayed in the marriage, more than 70% were now happily or very happily married. This was true for the majority of the relationships as long as they did not have serious abuse. The relationships got happier not because the partners resolved problems, but because they stubbornly outlasted them. The effect of commitment is outstanding. 

Connection: 

The deepest connection that is needed for a successful relationship is your connection with yourself: mind, body, and spirit. You also need to know your values, needs, and desires.  Connecting within is critical for moving beyond power struggles.  Repeated patterns of conflict, most frequently, are not about the present but about old childhood patterns from the past. Because of the immaturity of the child’s mind, these patterns are often negative and limited. They do not reflect the truth about us, but rather the false assumptions of the child.  By connecting and naming them we can establish compassion for ourselves and others, put them in perspective, and replace them with our adult skills and strengths in the present. Then conflict can be used for learning and growth.

Communication:

Communication is most effective when it is positive.  As I have shared in the July newsletter, businesses flourish when the ratio of positive to negative statements is 3:1, relationships flourish when the ratio of positive to negative is 5:1. When our connections are positive, we are more able to acknowledge our strengths, to collaborate, to share resources, and tolerate minor infractions.    Positive emotions build upon the past and broaden our perspective. They help us to create solutions that work for all.

Co-Creative Solutions:

When you are more consciously aware of your needs and desires, your strengths, your vision and mission, you have the power to determine what a fulfilling relationship would look like.  We like to be in relationships where we can contribute our strengths to work together to serve a common goal.  Then small actions, the little things in life, can have a big impact.  Take time to celebrate them.

3 . Conscious Relating

Present day couples are searching for relationships that provide purpose and meaning as well as security.  They are searching for unions that honor individual uniqueness within the relationship.  Modern partnerships that are the most fulfilling are ones in which the couple shares a common purpose, has compatible values, good communication, and are mutually supportive (Guttmann, 2001).  Individuals want to be unique as well as connected.  The five C’s of celebrating change are opening a whole new territory of conscious relating that allows for more individual expression, peace, and harmony than we had before.  It is well worth the adventure of your discovery.  Join us to learn more about this process in our teleconference on Tuesday, October 25, 9:00 -10:00.  “The Five C’s of Celebrating Change” Check the sidebar for the number.

Warm Regards,

Dr. Alice

Does Divorce Make People Happy?  Findings from a study of Unhappy Marriages:  www.smartmarriages.com/does.divorce.html

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Newsletter Name: 
Lifetree News

From Fear to Connection and Community

Successful Relating
Fulfillment through Connection and Community
Alice G. Vlietstra, Ph.D., Editor
February, 2008
Moving from Fear to Connection and Community

In This Issue:
1.  Welcome
2.  Beyond Tragedy
3.  Community Consciousness
4.  A Choice
5.  Announcements

1.  Welcome

Welcome.  We are in a time when we are experiencing many challenges. Global warming, economic stress, and increased crime are only a few. Here in the Midwest, we are recovering from the tragedy of the shootings in St. Louis,
Missouri and at Northern Illinois University.

Events such as these can create a deep sense of helplessness, fear, and frustration.  They also may lead to an increased awareness of the deeper
problems and dramatic change.  This e-newsletter explores the possibility that how we experience this reality is a choice.

2.  Beyond Tragedy

Is it possible that out of tragedy, a deep stirring of consciousness can arise?  These shootings have been a grave concern.  Will the solution be one of shame and blame?  Or is it possible to achieve an understanding of the
underlying causes so as to rise above them?  Can we honor those who have died by treating these events as a stimulus to create a healthier, saner, society?

In his book Lost Boys (1999), James Garbarino shares how human development experts predicted this kind of violence more than 25 years ago. 
They believed the violence was a result of the fragmentation in our society that deprives individuals of a sense of connection, community, of being heard, and accountability. 

3. Community Consciousness

The incidents themselves give rise to a greater community consciousness.  When we see the impact of the damage, a new awareness emerges.  There is
a need for identifying these kinds of problems early. No longer can the self-interest of any one person or group be pursued at the expense
of the larger whole. This is true whether the battle occurs in a personal relationship, a family, or in society as a whole.

Often, there is the belief that the change needs to come from strong leadership or a power outside ourselves. But, once again, this may only perpetuate the battle. Beyond the strong need for immediate protection, a more long-term
solution for change may result from an increased awareness within ourselves of taking small constructive actions to promote connection and community, one moment at a time, right where we are. 

4. The Choice

We can choose to look at what we have and the strengths that exist within ourselves and within our communities.  This type of examination gives us an opportunity to rethink the release old patterns and begin to grow anew.  Later, we
will be able to look back at the situation and determine what has been accomplished and gained.  Withstanding and recovering from such tragic
events may be a matter of perspective. What do you think?

5.  Announcements

Saturday: March 22: 1:00-5:00 Workshop,      
 "Mind, Money, and Spirit:  Releasing Financial Stress"
We will look at the core patterns that impact your relationship with money.   

It will be held at “A Gathering Place” at 12131 Dorsett Road, Ste. 101, Maryland Heights, MO. 63043.  It will be held on Saturday, March 22, from 1:00-5:00 PM.   Call me at 314-729-2855 or e-mail me for a flyer.

Warm Regards,

Dr. Alice

Garbarino, J.  Lost Boys:  Why Our Sons Turn Violent and How We Can Save Them. 1999. New YorK: Anchor Books

 

 

 

Copyright 2008 Alice Vlietstra All rights reserved.

Newsletter Name: 
Successful Relating
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