Create Harmony by Focusing on Strengths

We often have an unconscious tendency to make judgments about ourselves and others. Sarah-Singer-Noire, in her High Impact Trainings, says "We are judgment making machines."  Within ourselves, it seems that we have an invisible scale from 1-10 whereby we make judgments  and unconsciously “put a number on the head of ourselves and others.”  Some people get a “1,” while others may get a “10,” or a “4.”  The only problem is that when we put a number on someone's head, they know it and so do we.   It tends to separate and divide us.  The standard by which we make these unconscious judgments often is some idealized image in our minds from childhood or the TV.  For example, we may make judgments on the basis of beauty.  Because we are not aware it, this process often is not discussed.

One way to overcome this unconscious tendency to make judgments is to look for strengths. When we focus on strengths, we have an opportunity to look at what others do well and enjoy.  When we let them know what we appreciate, they feel acknowledged and accepted for who they are.   Researcher Barbara Fredrickson in her recent book,” Positivity,” shares that these positive feelings broaden and build our relationships, especially when the ratio of positive to negative is 3:1.  Our mindset begins to shift from “me vs. you” to “we are all in this together.”  People become more creative, more willing to share their resources, and unify in times of stress.  In this time of economic change and stress, the increased strength and bonding that happens from maintaining positive emotion, is critical for our happiness and success.

Do you want to increase your happiness and success?   Be aware of your unconscious tendencies to make judgments and focus on the positive.


Dr. Alice